Review: Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come by Jessica Pan

What would happen if a shy introvert lived like a gregarious extrovert for one year? If she knowingly and willingly put herself in perilous social situations that she’d normally avoid at all costs? Writer Jessica Pan intends to find out. With the help of various extrovert mentors, Jessica sets up a series of personal challenges (talk to strangers, perform stand-up comedy, host a dinner party, travel alone, make friends on the road, and much, much worse) to explore whether living like an extrovert can teach her lessons that might improve the quality of her life. Chronicling the author’s hilarious and painful year of misadventures, this book explores what happens when one introvert fights her natural tendencies, takes the plunge, and tries (and sometimes fails) to be a little bit braver. ~ Goodreads

Source: Hoopla – audiobook

Review: If ever a book title described my personality and life – it would be this one. I am such an introvert and will avoid social gatherings like the plague.

So when I saw Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come on Hoopla – it spoke to me. Then I read the synopsis and was a little hesitant since it’s about author Jessica Pan pushing herself out of her comfort zone to be more extroverted. I hate when people try to push introverts. I get – oh just go – you’ll have fun once you’re there! a lot. I, in fact, do not have fun about 99% of the time. I pretend to have fun and then become a hermit for the next week as I try to recharge from the stress of the encounter.

Pan makes it pretty clear right at the start that she’s not trying to *fix* anyone. She has been happy being an introvert for most of her life but after a move abroad (to the UK), with her husband, she found herself limited by it. And I get that too. I have many a phobia in addition to being an introvert and it does hold me back at times. And I have pushed myself sometimes. Like going to BEA. My love of books and desire to meet a few of my online book friends was enough to push me to fly, meet up with strangers and navigate a conference in NYC. I did it the introverts way of course – I skipped all parties and social gatherings, mostly stuck with my husband and one or two other people and stayed in at night to recharge.

The point is – you can be a happy introvert and you can also be an introvert that needs a nudge if you’re missing out on things you love because of it.

The author takes on various challenges to push herself out of her comfort zone. She starts small, initiating small talk, using a friendship app (similar to dating apps, but to find friends) to have friend dates and then really pushes the envelope by taking on things like stand up comedy and improv.

The first half was something I SO related to. The sweaty palms, the excuses (& yes, lies you tell) to get out of things that require interaction, the hiding in the bathroom for deep breaths before you put yourself out there, preferring to interact with just one or two people rather than large groups.

Pan consults with a few experts to help her with coping mechanisms and ways to engage in meaningful conversations, talk in front of people and it was all relatable. Things changed for me though as she took on the greater challenges of improv and stand up comedy.

Pan mentions early on that she had read that Beyonce has panic attacks before performing and that means nothing to her because Beyonce then goes on to put on kick ass performances so Beyonce couldn’t possibly have the level of anxiety that she has.

Well, that’s how I felt about Pan. While these tasks are clearly uncomfortable for her – she does them – successfully - and without melting down. For me, this felt like another case of people saying – SEE! Just put yourself out there! You’ll be fine! I’m really happy for her and that she was able to perform in public and enjoy it but I would (& have) literally passed out/vomited when pushed beyond my comfort zone but she never has those sorts of attacks. I’d really love for someone to write about and overcome that. lol

There are different types of introverts. Both Kevin & I are introverted and can go weeks without seeing other people or talking to anyone. But Kevin can give presentations or talk in large groups if necessary. I can’t. I truly relate to that title – “I didn’t want to come”. Not just because of stress but because I just don't care about being around people lol.

But you soon discover that while Pan is an introvert. She’s lonely and craves human interaction. To the point that once she cracked that code to being more extroverted she would talk to anyone and push them out of their comfort zones just so she can have a meaningful interaction. It was honestly cringe worthy at times. For someone who understands how debilitating it is to talk to strangers to then push others as if she’s helping them pissed me off.

While the first half of the book was filled with anecdotes that all introverts can see themselves in, the second half of the book felt more like someone looking for meaning in her life. She DOES want to go to things – she’s just nervous about it and needed more confidence. The book became less about being an introvert and more about having every encounter, every excursion to have a deeper meaning and be perfect. Which is fine but that’s really a different subject.

I listened to this on audio and the author did an excellent job narrating. She had a great conversational style that felt like you were hanging with a friend.

If you find any of this relatable or want an example of someone who was able to overcome many of her fears then this would be a great read. It wasn’t 100% what I was hoping for but I did enjoy it overall. 

Has anyone read any books about introverts where they weren’t trying to get fixed or kind of embrace being an introvert?